Navigating Friendship in a Divided World

Politics can be a tricky topic, especially when it comes to friendships. One person found themselves in a confusing situation. They had a friend who they saw a couple of times a month. They had strong political disagreements, but always ended their chats on a good note, affirming their friendship and respect for each other. A few months back, this friend's daughter got engaged. The friend mentioned that, of course, they would be invited to the wedding. They talked about the wedding plans whenever they met. But recently, things took a strange turn. They met for lunch with another mutual friend. The conversation turned to the wedding shower. The friend handed the shower invitation to the other friend right in front of them, without any explanation. This seemed deliberately hurtful. They assumed they wouldn't be invited to the wedding either. They felt hurt and confused. Should they say something to their friend? Should they assume their friend was upset about their political views? Should they ignore the whole situation? Or should they just step back from the friendship? These are tough questions to answer. It's possible that the invitation got lost in the mail. Maybe the friend assumed they already had it when they gave the shower invite to the other friend. It seems unlikely that the friend would talk about the wedding for months, then go out to lunch with them and use that moment to humiliate them by inviting the other friend. Especially since they hadn't given any indication that they were taken off the invite list. It's possible that the intense nature of their political disagreements weighs heavily on them, even though they do make up with each other when they get into it. To assume that their friend is being vindictive about their opinions suggests that perhaps they don't actually think everything goes back to love and respect at the end of each debate. They should ask their friend about it. They could say, "Are we OK? I haven't gotten an invite to the shower, and it would hurt to not be there and celebrate your daughter. But I want to check in with you to make sure I haven't misread anything or missed a cue. " In another situation, a person's husband had fallen into a bad mood. This had been going on for some time. He just sat all day and watched TV or was on his computer. They believed him to also be an alcoholic. He would pour a drink in the morning and drink all day. For no reason, his attitude would change – yelling for no reason and calling them names. They retired a year and a half ago and since then had become a housewife who pretty much does everything. He wouldn’t seek help. They had talked with a counselor to keep themselves "sane. " They needed advice. It's good that they're talking to a counselor. Their husband's struggle with alcohol and his mood can bring them down, too. It's likely that it's already happening. They should work with their counselor and/or a trusted friend or loved one on a plan to put some distance between what's happening with their husband and themselves. This doesn’t have to be divorce or separation, if that's not something they're willing to consider right now. But for their peace of mind, their quality of life and their safety, it will help them to be out of the orbit of his booze-influenced behavior. They shouldn't have to do everything around the house if they don't want to. And it's unacceptable for him to yell at them or call them names. This is emotional abuse. One of the reasons it's important to put together a plan is so that they can be protected from this abuse and any escalation of his behavior. They should look into groups like Al-Anon or SMART Family Recovery, which can help them navigate this living arrangement and the hard feelings they're managing. Once they have a plan in place, they should tell him that this situation is not acceptable to them, a number of things need to change, and that if he won’t seek help, they can't keep going as they have. It may help to have a friend or loved one with them for this conversation. They're in a dangerous situation and their husband has already refused to address the root issue. So, they have to do what they can to protect themselves and to help him to help himself.